This is my first crack at a Pokémon Fanfic using the main characters from the TV show. Don't maul me if any of this is innacurate to the TV show storyline.
-Brandini
Sore from yet another Voltorb attack, Jessie, James, and Meowth stop to rest.
Jessie: Ow, why do Voltorbs hate us so much?
Meowth: I heard from a Pokédex that Voltorbs combust when they come in contact with idiots.
James: You mean idiots like you?
Meowth: Well, if I'm an idiot, that must make you two retards.
Jessie hit Meowth into the horizon with a baseball bat.
James: Jessie, that was awfully cruel of you... nice going,
???: I challenge you two wimps to a Pokémon fight!
Jessie: No...
James: It can't be...
Jessie: Umm... Who is this guy?
???: It is I, the magnificent, marvelous, Matt the mighty of the metropolis of Marble city!
James: More like "The made-up, misunderstood, Matt the moron of the moronsville mad-house!"
Matt: What was that about my mamma?
James: I didn't say anything about your mamma, but I can if you want me to. Your mamma (who looks like she's your father) has such hairy arms that she looks like she's got a Tangela in a headlock!
Matt: Grrr....
James: Your Snorlax....oops I mean your mamma is so fat she's taller laying down!
James: Your mamma is so stupid she went to an Psyduck impersonating contest and they said, "Sorry, no proffesionals,"
Matt: W,well, your mamma is so fat.....uh.....she weighs.....uh.....6 billion tons! Hahahahaha!!!
Jessie: You call that a Yo Mamma Joke?
James: I've seen Snorlax manure make better jokes than that!
Jessie: Let's knock some sense into this retard.
James: Weezing, attack!
James: Arbok, go!
Matt: Go! Bellsprout!
Jessie: A Bellsprout? This is all you've got?
James: Somebody needs to stamp "Retard" on this kid's forehead.
Jessie: Either he's very stupid or very ill.
James: Well, they say you're only as healthy as your intelligence.
Jessie: Then this kid should have died a long time ago.
Matt: You'll see, this isn't any ORDINARY Bellsprout. It's special attacks exceed it's evolutionary level! It is invincible in combat! It moves faster than the human eye can comphrehend! It could defeat 10 Pokémon in five seconds!!
James: Uhh..... Jessie..... I don't like the sound of this...
Jessie: I almost wish I hadn't got rid of Meowth.
James: His Fury Swipes attack could chop up this thing....
Matt: A deadly mistake... in my favor! Bellsprout! Doomsday Attack!
The Bellsprout sat still, drooling.
Matt: Bellsprout! Armageddon Swing! Now!
The Bellsprout began slapping itself.
Matt: This can't be happening!
James: Oooooh...... what's it gonna do, hit us with it's diaper?
Jessie: You are an insult to mankind! Leave now before your stupidity rubs off on us.
Matt: But I...
Jessie: Leave!
Jessie began pushing Matt away from the area.
Matt: It's not fair!
Jessie: Leave!
Matt: The guy who sold me this Bellsprout said it was the most powerful in the world!
Jessie: Shoo!
Matt: I won't leave!
Matt began to cry.
Jessie: Bad retard! Bad!
Jessie began whacking Matt with a newspaper.
Matt: Whaaah!
Matt grabbed his Bellsprout and ran off.
Jessie: I say we drown the kid in his own slobber.
James: Too much work. Let's burn him and SAY we drowned him.
Jessie and James walked to the next town, making lots and lots of wisecracks about Matt.
Jessie: That kid is running home to cry to his parents.
Matt ran into his house, and out came a huge 500 pound woman.
The Fat Woman: Have you been makin' fun of my here child?
Jessie: It's so impossible for anyone not to. That was a stupid question.
The Fat Woman: I'll make Mankey food out of ya!
James: Bring it on, you probably have nothing but imaginary Pokémon!
The Fat Woman: Pokémon? What are you, simple?
James: With all due respect *cough* landmonster *cough* lady, are you on some variety of crack right now?
The Fat Woman: Them's fightin' words!
James: Yeah right, Now why don't you go inside and eat yer vittles.
Without warning, The Fat Woman stampeded towards Jessie and James and squashed them with her massive rear end!
The Fat Woman: Eat this!
Jessie: AHHHH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! GET OFF!
James: HOLY CRAP!!!
The Fat Woman farted on the two.
Jessie: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
James: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
The Fat Woman ripped one that seemed like it could clear a high school.
James: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
The Fat Woman got up. Jessie and James layed there in a bloody pile on the ground.
The Fat Woman: The averge human bein' has 'bout 210 bones. You fellers now have 420! Ha Ha!
James: Jessie, remind me to sterilize myself with sulfuric acid later.
Later, at the hospital, Jessie and James are in serious pain.
Doctor Proctor: You two look like you've seen a lot of action.
James: That's not all we've seen.
James vomited over the side of his bed over the thought of that lady's huge cow butt.
Doctor Proctor: You both seem to have a bad case of methane poisoning. Have you two been hanging around a chemical dumping site?
Jessie barfed after hearing the word 'dump'.
Doctor Proctor: You'll be fine in a few days. Just remember to get some rest. You two lost a lot of blood in the past few hours.
James: We've lost a lot of dignity, too.
To be continued......